Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Day 9

So I got to see Austin yesterday. They are running an EEG and hope we find out the results soon. I'm going to call to see if there are any results they said they might not find out today but it might be tomorrow till we find out. Because of it I didn't get to hold him. Hoping to hold him today because I want some of the kangaroo care so maybe I'll be able to get more milk in. I've been trying so hard to pump but having some trouble need to go during the day to talk to the lactation consultant again. But got to wait till Monday till Alex is around. I'm getting real frustrated with it. I just want to hold my baby right now and be able to bring him home. I seen more babies going home yesterday and broke down crying. 

If I did not want my VBAC (vaginal birth after c section) if I hadn't fought my doctor so bad about it he wouldn't of been so bad off. It's my fault. I wish I would of just taken the c section at 39 weeks. I have so much self guilt right now it's not even funny. 

6 comments:

  1. Sweetheart, you cannot blame yourself for this. It is not your fault, everything happens for a reason. God will never give you more than you can handle. Your little guy is a fighter. Keep your chin up, you are a great Mother, don't let anyone tell you different!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lady do not put that blame on yourself. It is not your fault no matter how much you might think so. You didn't know, nobody knew. Everything is going to work out and Austin will be home before you know it, and he will be in the arms of the best possible mother he could have ever wished for <3 Stay positive for Austin sakes. Muah!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I completely understand you blaming yourself...but try not to! I blamed myself for being stubborn andnot going on bed rest when I was supposed to. Luckily my little month early 4lb 13oz baby seemed to be perfectly developed and fine...but with all the issues she's having now, I can't help but wonder if that was somewhat the cause. DON'T blame yourself though! You had no way to know, and you had the right to want a "normal" birth this time. If you need to talk I'm here.... stay strong and remember that as bad as things are they could always be worse, but they're not!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Awww Amber, please do not blame yourself. You did everything to protect your lil man and you are a great mom for doing so...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Amber sweetie, this is NOT your fault! It's nobodies fault. previous c-section or not, this was not something that could have been fore seen. Just because you wanted a VBAC does not mean that you caused this. You could have never had a c-section and this be your second vaginal birth and it still could have happened. It's just something that happens. God handed you this special little boy because He knew that you could handle it. God gives special babies to special people. Even with all of Austins issues, you never know, he may end up being perfectly healthy with little to no lasting effects. There have been cases of babies born with CP and you would never know it! Look at all the things he is doing that they didn't think he would or would take longer to do! Hold on to the faith girl and don't doubt yourself or you decisions. He had a higher risk of having a spinal cord injury or other problems with the section then he would of if you went or vaginal!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Amber, do not blame yourself. You love Austin so much and you would never do anything to hurt him. C-sections have risks too (everything does, walking to the grocery store has risks!) and you did what you thought was best. It is so completely not your fault. I think you are doing an amazing job of working through this challenge. God loves to bless His people and I am confident you and your family will all be blessed tenfold. We are praying for you, still.

    ReplyDelete