So I got to see Austin yesterday. They are running an EEG and hope we find out the results soon. I'm going to call to see if there are any results they said they might not find out today but it might be tomorrow till we find out. Because of it I didn't get to hold him. Hoping to hold him today because I want some of the kangaroo care so maybe I'll be able to get more milk in. I've been trying so hard to pump but having some trouble need to go during the day to talk to the lactation consultant again. But got to wait till Monday till Alex is around. I'm getting real frustrated with it. I just want to hold my baby right now and be able to bring him home. I seen more babies going home yesterday and broke down crying.
If I did not want my VBAC (vaginal birth after c section) if I hadn't fought my doctor so bad about it he wouldn't of been so bad off. It's my fault. I wish I would of just taken the c section at 39 weeks. I have so much self guilt right now it's not even funny.