I know I need to keep faith. People tell me this all the time. I know god chose me to be his mother for a reason and that does not need to be said every single day of my life. I know I am blessed to have my sons in my life. Especially my precious little angel Austin. But I am so stuck in a spot right now where I do not know what to do. I know what I need to do but this post partrum depression is getting to me. I am going to go see the doctor soon so I can get the help. But why did god choose my innocent son?
Why does he have to go through all these tests? Have seizures. I'm sick of people telling me it's going to be alright. It's all going to be worth it. I know this. I'm sick of hearing it. I hate when people tell me they can 'fix' my son. Or god can 'cure' him. I wish there was a cure for him. I wish I could heal him all his pain. I wish I didn't have to medicate him with 4 medicines a day. But I do. I wish he could live a normal life. He wont. I wish I could see him smile. Hear him coo. I want to see some progress with him.
I hate when people tell me he looks sooo normal. I know he does. If you looked at him quickly you'd never know any of his medical problems. I'm sorry if I'm blabbling but I'm in tears thinking about this. I'm just down and out right now.