Today is February 5th 2011!

So I've been meaning to do this more often and I swear I will try to do it more so everyone can stay updated with Austin, Justin, Alex and I. Let's start off to say that Justin is 2 years old now! I can't believe it. I was so blessed with a lot of our family and friends coming this his birthday party. I am glad my parents put up with me long enough as well. I can't wait to start getting closer to Austin's birthday party so we can find some cool things to do that are Halloweenish as well. I got to find out when trick or treat is and make sure they can do that too. So his party might be during the day so I can take the boys trick or treating.

Next party will be at our apartment we are moving next month we hope! I am so glad that we will be on our own finally but so glad we had so much love and support through this all. We are truly blessed! Austin DOESN'T have hip desplasia, they do not know why he sounds congested at the time he went to the ENT (ears, nose, throat doctor) and they found nothing. Follow up appointment in March. His tube got completely taken out by accident, the nurses hand got caught and he freaked and pulled. LMBO My poor little boy has been through so much!

I really don't have much more to say. Well we do have a new puppy. He's ALMOST house broken. We have some night accidents but that's because I been sleeping as much as I can. Oh yeah and finally on Lexapro because of my PPD. Im starting to feel better finally.

Support

When I first found out something was wrong with Austin soon after appeared my cousin Ann. I believe she is my 3rd cousin? Ann is a nurse and always seemed to be there with advice and just to listen to me talk about what was going on. No matter how hard it was for me to talk about it to some people. Some things I only share with my family but recently started to open up more to other people. Slowly but surely. A lot of people know details of Austin but don't understand it. 

Recently Ann told me who more of my cousins were and I started to add more! Even though most of my cousins who are 3rd and 4th cousins are a bit older than me I never really got to meet them. Tammy has been so much help and I just started to talk to her. She has gone through what I've gone through in taking care of a child just like Austin (this child has more going on than Austin but a lot of the same things). I just want to say thank you to all my family members. My cousins, aunt, uncles, dad, mom, cousins and everything in my family including my husband who have helped me through this. Oh and my grandmas.

Sometimes I wonder what my Grandpa Rob would say if he seen me like this. How I miss him. We named Austin after my Grampy because he was the only grandpa I truly knew. I had lost my birth grandpa 10 plus years ago. He would probably tell me to get my head together and do what I need to do. Sometimes when I'm feeling down I just think about calling my nanny and heading Grampy in the background saying something. Putting in his 'two cents'. How I miss that.

Faith

I know I need to keep faith. People tell me this all the time. I know god chose me to be his mother for a reason and that does not need to be said every single day of my life. I know I am blessed to have my sons in my life. Especially my precious little angel Austin. But I am so stuck in a spot right now where I do not know what to do. I know what I need to do but this post partrum depression is getting to me. I am going to go see the doctor soon so I can get the help. But why did god choose my innocent son?

Why does he have to go through all these tests? Have seizures. I'm sick of people telling me it's going to be alright. It's all going to be worth it. I know this. I'm sick of hearing it. I hate when people tell me they can 'fix' my son. Or god can 'cure' him. I wish there was a cure for him. I wish I could heal him all his pain. I wish I didn't have to medicate him with 4 medicines a day. But I do. I wish he could live a normal life. He wont. I wish I could see him smile. Hear him coo. I want to see some progress with him.

I hate when people tell me he looks sooo normal. I know he does. If you looked at him quickly you'd never know any of his medical problems. I'm sorry if I'm blabbling but I'm in tears thinking about this. I'm just down and out right now.

12 weeks old

It has been forever since I last wrote on here. I'm so glad I decided to do it again. Austin is 12 weeks old today and at his neuronatal appointment he was 9lbs 4oz. He has been growing up so much. He still has his g tube, he is eating now 60 mLs per 3 hours. Which is up 15mLs since he's been out of the hospital. He's slowly but surely growing. 

 

Here is my little boy he is getting so big he's came so far in so little time. He is on another new medicine called Keppra. We think he's having seizures again. We have to call tomorrow to schedule his EEG through the neurology department this may end up in a 24 hour one which means he would have to be admitted. This would break my heart so much if he had to be admitted again. He has been having a lot of visitors since he has been out. He came home by the way 8 days before Christmas! So exciting. 

He goes to urologist this coming month so that we can get him looked at so he can be circumsized.  He has to go see the Ear/Throat/Nose doctor because he always sounds like he's congested and they think it's because he has something wrong with his throat. He has to get an ultrasound done because they think he might have hip displasia (sp). So that's something and we are going to physical medicine as well. They will be dealing with his hypertinisity and his valium control. SO a lot going on with him.

Justin is about to be 2 years old! His actual birthday is February 2nd but his birthday party is this coming Saturday. I can't wait! I can't believe almost 2 years has gone by since I became a mommy. I hope to update more soon! 

 

Day 27

Sorry I haven't been keeping update with everything that is going on it's so hard! 

BUT, he had surgery yesterday because we found out that the throwing up was because of pyloric stenosis. Which means the muscle between the stomach and the small instine was thickened. Because of this thickening the food can't empty out which causes the baby to throw up all their food. He was severely dehydrated which he went from the high of almost 7lbs to 5lbs13oz! 

So he did good and got his G tube. It'll be around MONDAY before we are able to start him on feedings than we can learn how to use the tube. So exciting. Today he looked so awesome. So happy. Anyways off to bed

Day 25

So tomorrow he goes to an ultrasound to see if something is thickened. I don't remember what it's called but it MIGHT be the reason why he's spitting up if this is thickened. So we find out tomorrow if it is and if it's not they are going to change his formula and keep trying that. I'm kind of hoping that it is so monday they can go fix it along with putting in his G tube. At least we would know what is wrong and fix it so it wont happen again! But if it's not that than we got to try a bunch more stuff and keep GUESSING. Ugh. So frustrated right now is all

Day 21

Oh so frustrated! Since he's been put up to 53mLs he has been spitting up so freaking bad. The past few times has been half of his feeds! I want to cry because this is what is stopping him from coming home. Stopping him from spending thanksgiving with his family. I got to go visit him and everyone else on thanksgiving. I don't want to visit him in the hospital. I want him to be with us in his car seat spending the holiday with his family. I'm so frustrated. I feel so weak right now. 

I feel like our family isn't complete without him here. I want Justin to start getting use to his little brother.  I want to be able to feel like a mother of 2. I hate visit him in the hospital and spending an hour or two with him. It's not fair to him. It's not fair to us. I want to enjoy my baby boy! Ugh. Sorry for the long vent